Tuesday, March 20, 2012

oh baby!!

Weight loss to date:98 lbs.

Well, I was hoping to hit 100 lbs lost by now, but the news I have been carrying around is way better than 100 lbs lost.  I am going to be a mommy!!! I am 6 weeks 4 days pregnant as of today!  Went to the doctor this morning and he said everything looks great and I have my first ultrasound on Monday morning.  I know it is encouraged to wait to share the news until you are 12 weeks along, but I am so excited I need to share now. 

Matt and I have been on a long journey to get here.  We have been married for 7 1/2 years and have been trying for a baby for a long time.  I have had a minor surgery a few years back to see if it would help, when it didn't work right away I was devistated.  Then my doctor said I needed to lose some weight to make my pregnancy and delivery healthy. So I did. We never lost faith that God had this in His plans. We just didn't know WHEN. They always say it's when you stop trying, and it was the one month that we didn't even pay attention that we were blessed!! Baby is due Nov. 9.  Please be praying for a healthy pregnancy and a very healthy baby when all is said and done.  We trust God and know He is with us every step of the way!!

I talked to my doctor and he said I can still workout and keep up being active. So, I am going to be one fit momma! LOL!! Went to Zumba tonight and I am gonna keep up as much as I can, until I can't do it anymore.  Thank you everyone for your support. I can finally see that my journey has come full circle.

PS-If you have or know any kids in my class at school...DO NOT TELL THEM I AM PREGNANT. I am going to tell them in my own time.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Welcome back to running!!! YAY!!!

Weight loss to date:97 lbs
3 LBS TO GO!!!

Oh, the 100 lbs lost mark is SO close!!! I am so excited to hit that mark.  It won't be the end of my journey though.
  Well, last week I officially got back to my running.  It was so awesome to be able to hit the road and just let my cares go. My foot is finally back to normal and is taking to running and working out just fine!   I ran 2 miles my first run out and 2.33 my second time.  Yesterday, Matt and I took what we thought would be a short run.  It turned out to be a 3 mile run! It was so wonderful!  I just love that I can put my music on and praise God during this time.  I just bought a new song from the christian rap artist, LeCrae.  It says "Go hard or Go home! Lord Use me up". I probably looked like a crazy woman running down Main street with my hands raised high shouting the lyrics.  But, I know that God is going to use me for something! 

To anyone that is reading this and has been following me, I want to ask you to be in prayer for one thing.  I know God is telling me that my journey is helping others , and I can feel that He is going to use it in some other way. So, can you please be praying that I would find out what it is that God will do and that I will continue to allow Him to use this. 

I have to share two stories that are very dear to me.  My dad has been diabetic since Courtney was about 2 or 3.  He is one my heroes because of the things he puts up with due to diabetes.  He recently decided to start keeping a food journal.  In just 3 weeks, he lost 9 lbs and his blood sugars have started to drop to more normal numbers.  I was so proud of him to make one small change.  My mom has now started a journal as well. I don't know if they were inspired by me or not, and honestly I don't care, I am just really proud of them. 
Also, my Aunt in NY told me yesterday that she has lost 51.5 lbs since November!!! She said that everytime she gets discouraged she looks at how much I have done and it gives her encouragement! It brought me to tears to see her make huge changes and become healthier! Way to go Aunt Bev! I am so proud of you!!!
This is why I share my story! I want you all to know that your stories encourage and inspire me! 

More later when I am 100 lbs lighter than I used to be!!!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Did you just cry over a hoodie???

Weight loss to date:95 lbs

Yes, I cried over a hoodie!  This is my favorite green hoodie jacket that I used to wear ALL the time.  It was a size 3x and I cannot fit in it anymore. Well, I can but it was not very attractive. Anyway, last weekend Matt and I went to a consignment store to sell some of my old clothes that are too big for me.  In the bags of clothes was my green hoodie. I guess I didn't realize it was in there until we left the store for them to price things.  Part of me was praying they wouldn't want it, and the other part of me was just thinking it needs to go to someone that will look good wearing it.  When we came back to get money for the clothes I saw my hoodie in the bin of keeps. I quickly took my money and ran out of the store.  I seriously bawled my eyes out all the way to the car.  We get in the car and Matt goes "Are you really crying about the hoodie?'  It was at that moment that I realized it was about so much more than a hoodie.

This was me letting go of the old person once and for all.  Once all of your "fat" clothes are gone, there is no going back. It's not that I want to go back, I just had a hard time facing that I am not that person anymore.  That person was good at faking people into thinking she was always fine and that she was healthy.  I was comfortable to be the invisible girl that people saw, but didn't really SEE.  That stupid hoodie was my comfort blanket and it was just a little hard to say goodbye. 

I should have know at that moment that I was probably gonna have a rough week.  I was blessed with some incredible people coming along side me this week, but it has been a struggle everyday.  I went out on my first run since the ankle incident, and it was just what I needed.  I needed to be out of my own head. 

I may have cried and still kinda miss my hoodie, but I am so excited about the person I am today.  I am feeling stronger, healthier, and more determined everyday.  I know people probably get sick of my posts on FB and my blogs, but this is what keeps me going. So for those of you that aren't sick of me yet....THANK YOU!!!! 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Transformation is not a future event!!

Feb. 2012
weight loss to date:95 lbs(since Jan 2011)

Before                                    After

I am so excited to be getting so close to 100 lbs lost total, but I am so much more excited about how it feels to be healthy.  Granted, at 192 lbs, I may not be what most people would view as healthy, but I am the healthiest version of me that I have ever been.  I sit and look through old photos of myself and keep wondering, "Why didn't anyone tell me how horrible I looked? Why didn't anyone question my health?"  But, as they say, hindsight is 20/20.  I only look back to motivate myself. 

A couple weeks ago I experience my first "injury" since my transformation began.  I was playing a fun game of dodgeball with the staff and kids at work.  I literally threw the ball 2 times, got hit, and started to run off the court.  I ran into another adult and over corrected my footing and ended up spraining my right ankle/foot. I spent that night in Urgent care waiting for x-rays.  So, I taught the next day with a set of crutches and a wheely chair. :)
I think the most annoying part was having to take time to heal my foot.  I couldn't do anything except for upper body workouts for a few days.  After a week I went back to Zumba and have just been doing workouts as usual, but with a brace and maybe not pushing as hard as I usually would. I surely do not want another injury!  I haven't been able to run yet, but I am really looking forward to it soon!

I got back to journaling all of my food this week. I downloaded an app in my phone so I can track anywhere I go. It really paid off and I am feeling like the last 5 lbs will be a lot easier to come off than I originally thought.  All I really know is this:I will not give up.  Once I hit 100( and celebrate with a tattoo) I will keep going!  I just want to be healthy and happy.  I finally feel like I am getting closer and closer to being as beautiful as my sisters!!

Transformation is happening RIGHT NOW!!!!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The last few are the hardest...and most emotional!!

Weight Loss to date:92 lbs ( Since Jan 2011)

After hitting the one year mark, I decided I needed to do something that I have been waiting to do for a long time. I went and got my hair cut short again!  I worked really hard to grow it out and I was ready for a big change.  I didn't think I would like it, but I absolutely love my new hair cut!!

I am only 8 lbs away from my major goal right now, to lose 100 lbs.  But the closer that goal gets the harder it seems my body has to work and the more emotional this journey gets for me.  I have made some changes to my eating and have started going higher protein, and way lower fat.  We no longer keep Diet Coke in the house, and I only have it if we go out to eat.  Which, we have stopped eating out during the week days and only go out on the weekend and maybe only once or twice.  I know I have to be more diligent to make better food choices everyday.  I am doing a lot of reading and finding out what foods actually do and don't do for my body.  I still have my treats here and there, but I am doing much better at controlling my snacking.  I am also doing better with water intake. It is kinda hard during the week, because I can't just leave to use the bathroom anytime, so  I have to time things just right. 

I don't think I ever imagined that losing weight would be such and emotional journey. I always thought "Oh you'll be skinnier and that will mean you will love your body and be so happy".  Ya right!!! I know everyone else sees the weight loss and compliments me on it a lot.  I really appreciate that. But the hard part for me is that I look in the mirror and still see 287 lbs.  I was teased a lot as a kid and teenager ( well pretty much my whole life) for being "chunky", "fat", "not pretty", "the fat friend" and so on.  So, the hard part for me is not letting those names dictate my feelings. It is just really hard.  My brain is used to a really heavy girl when I look in the mirror.  I find that I constantly compare myself to other people and when I am not comparing myself to them, I am frustrated that I look so "huge" in my own head. 

I know the Bible says we were created in God's image, so now I am going to work and pray everyday for God to help me see myself in HIS image instead of the one the world has given me. I am not going to let it bring me down.  I have always seemed like a very bubbly, confident person. Truth is I was faking the confidence.  If I made people think I liked myself, maybe they wouldn't want to make fun of me.  A very smart lady (my trainer and friend, Brandi) told me this. "Fake it till you make it. If you hug yourself every day and say 'I love Me' you will eventually believe it." 

So, here's to waking up everyday and telling myself "I love me!! Not just on the inside, but the outside too!!"  I know God will help me through this. 
Proverbs 3:5 & 6 says "Trust the Lord with all your heart! Acknowledge him in all your ways and He will guide your path".  My motto for this journey! (and soon to be tattoo as well!) I will trust you Lord!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A year makes a BIG difference!!

January 2011

January 2012

January 10, 2011 was the first day of the rest of my life. I was 27 years old, 287 lbs and completely dissappointed in myself.  I basically ate whatever I could get my hands on all day, went to work then sat on the couch all night.  On that day I decided that enough was enough and I was going to get healthy!  I popped in my Biggest Loser game for the Wii, and did an 18 minute workout. I rememeber thinking after 10 minutes that I was going to die, but I had to finish anyway. I decided to start drinking tons of water, and eating better. 

I am so happy to say that today, January 12, 2012 I am 198 lbs and feel amazing! My initial goal was to lose 100 lbs in a year, but with the ups and downs of weight loss I am 11 lbs shy of my goal. I was a little disappointed in myself, but it just motivates me to work even harder to hit the goal and not worry about the time.  I became a runner this during this year and now find running to be the place I let it all out! I am learning everyday to love my body (which is harder for me than I thought) but I know that it will come. I know there will be a day that I can look at myself (at any weight) and say "You are beautiful and amazing". Until then, I will keep running, working out, eating healthy and doing what I do to make each day better than the one before!

Thank you to everyone who has been reading/sharing my journey. You guys motivate and inspire me!!