Wednesday, October 26, 2011

So close

October 2011
weight loss to date:82 lbs in 9 1/2 months

Well, things are going better now that I got back on an eating plan. I went back to writing down all of my calories to better track it and lost 4 lbs the first week.  I am getting so close to "one-derland" and losing 100 lbs total.  Now I think I need to start dealing with some of the emotional stuff that comes along so I can kick some butt. 

I have really been struggling to learn to love myself for who I am and not always second guess myself.  I get frustrated when I can't do something right the first time, I don't know if I will ever look in the mirror and see anything but the heavy girl I was, I always think people are going to hate me if I say/do the wrong thing.  I know we all have these things too, but I just can't seem to let myself enjoy this new life I have.  I want to know that I worked hard and love myself for who I am.  Oh well.  I know it will come with time. So, until I can see myself the way God sees me, I will pray and know that He loves me just the way I am!

That's all for now.  Only 5 lbs to "one-derland"!!! So, off to work out I go!!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Ups, downs and a little bootcamp in between

weight loss to date:79 lbs

After getting so sick for a couple weeks, I finally got back on track this week. I even stepped up my workout routine with another Zumba class on Wednesdays and I joined bootcamp at the gym.  I went in to bootcamp last Saturday as nervous as I have ever been and not really sure what to expect.  I still struggle with the complex that I am and always will be the "fattest person everywhere I go".  So, I went in thinking just that.  While I was the biggest person there, I decided that I am not a quitter and I was going to push as hard as I could.  Bootcamp is no joke.  I was doing some exercises that I see on Biggest Loser and think, "Ha, I could never do that!" Never say never people!! I felt pretty good when I left, but still had that feeling that I probably looked like a total idiot because I am still so heavy.  When I saw our boot camp instructor on Tuesday she totally made my whole week. She said she was so impressed with how hard I worked and had never seen anyone come to their first bootcamp and push it like I did.  I went back this morning and I feel pretty great right now.  I did get really frustrated though, because there were some exercises that I couldn't do.  That just irritates the crap out of me!! I am the kind of person who has to be able to do everything I try and I have to do it right the first time. So, when I can't do something it pisses me off.  So, I am going to practice that dumb exercise all week until I get it right!!!!

Anyway, I have had a lot of ups and downs on the scale the last few weeks. I am getting really frustrated because the weight doesn't come off as fast now as it did in the beginning.  I think I just need to be more focused on better food choices and lots of workouts.  I am only one pound away from 80 lbs lost total and about 9 lbs away from "one-derland".  I get so upset when the scale doesn't read what I want.  I guess I just have to learn to let go and just focus on being healthy. 

I do have one more positive thing to share before I go.  Last week a friend posted a picture saying she lost 41 lbs. I was so excited and wrote to tell her how proud I was and her response back made me cry.  She said I was a huge inspiration to her and she started running because she saw that I was doing so well at it.  That was a great feeling!   Have a fantastic week everyone!!